Monday, October 24, 2011

Marriage-the way it isn't

Marriage has got it's fair share of
and activists...

The way it isn't

'we' as a society.

We've been hand fed all kinds of labeling stereotypes,lied to and it's left a string of tattooed distortions. With a constant live feed of painful, lopsided ideas, it's really no surprise marriages seem like a hell.

We've been disillusioned that marriages are supposed to be the aftermath of several fancy dress dates, a few dozen roses, and an nonspecific time-line spent connecting. We expect a movie like unfolding of events with perfect lines and the best make up scenes ever. And of course he loves everything about us, our families, our viewpoints and our moods everyday of our life for the rest of our lives. We've been tricked into thinking love is something it isn't, we edit God out.

But what happens when 'we' get married and it seems 'we' spend more days in Detroit than Belize? 'We' shockingly get thrown into a real life unfolding love story, filled with unedited moments, brutal honesty, short and tall stacks of money, jobs, hectic disasters, clotheslines of hurt, different perspectives, make up scenes, and a real kind of 'perfect'.

It's hard to see the true story behind the unexpected 'so not fairytale' reality. But what if its better this way? What if the dresses are there, and fancier, but we can't see them? What if the guy, mistakes, flaws and all, is better than any fake fairytale character? What happens when we feel a deeper connection? A lasting and growing love? What happens when 'we' start spending most days in Belize and then... it seems like our own private getaway island?..Marriage is filled with brilliance. It's filled with love scenes, passion, it's beautiful and completely freeing. It allows for a deep love, a true friend, a real knowing. A road-trip for the heart and soul.

Below are a few of the 'so called ways of a couple' that people tend to view of the married.

Marriage is a ball and chain- Maybe a bad one. This phrase generally means that one person in the marriage prevents the other person from enjoying things they like once the vows (sometimes sooner) are said-imprisonment. But not all people that are married have a 'marriage'. After all, marriage is an agreement between two people to love each other till their hearts stop beating. A life constantly infusing with freedom. Two people being emotionally, physically, committed. A binding investment of two hearts. A non record keeping of wrongs. A celebration.

The same person for a lifetime seems boring- It is! But marriage (even life) isn't about staying the same. It's about growing, discovering, progressing,sharing,exploring. A programmed let's get to know each other and live in a comfortable bubble of sameness is, well... boring. A person that is constantly alive will always be new.

Marriage is just a piece of paper. Really?... Paper is a tiny tangible medium that can be used to show expressions, words, pictures, emotions, beliefs, numbers,ideas, people. Then divorce must be 'just a piece of paper' too, a type of paper that causes heartbreak, broken families, unsatisfied forlornness, discontent, selfishness, scars of deep solitary? .......................just a piece.

You've only been married ___ years, just wait. As if in the beginning stages of a marriage, you have a coupon that's bound to expire, and you'll suddenly wake up to a chaotic horrific life. As the knowing and the growing progresses, its bound to show strengths and weaknesses that can crush a fantasy mindset. That's part of why marriage is so wonderful so full of deepness. So full of raw truth, fragile exposures, powerful stings, unconditional love.

Married people let themselves go... we should! The other message of the famous country song should go like this. We should go places we'd never go without the honest realizations of who we are. Go. Go. Go down new avenues of thinking. Go past self, go past the moment, go through emotions. .... Going without restrictions, go with him anywhere you can find. At silence, go. At laughter, go. At demands, go. At love, go. At honesty, go. Move-forward,closer...always.

written while drinking coffee from a wine glass



  1. W.O.W. That is the best thing I have ever read about marriage.

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  3. My impression of marriage, given a decade or two of watching all of my friends and relatives do marriage, is that in a marriage, a beleaguered, petulant, mess-making, oversexed child-creature who resents having to take out the garbage (a man) lives with an obsessive-compulsive, neurotic, sexless control-freak (a woman) and tries, under her direction, to help her create and maintain a carefully controlled environment in the hope it will help prevent her losing her last white-knuckled grip on sanity.

  4. "Go past self."--the best line among 101 great lines. Thought provoking. FANTASTIC!

  5. your wise beyond your years my dear... i hope i get to experience all those things one day.

  6. People that think marriage is the problem are blind. The same thing happens to people that become "roomates". They like each other, move in, and three months later hate each other? It's easy to walk away from people when you don't live with them. It's all about you. Sharing space with another person seems to get most people into a hellish enviornment.

  7. So beautiful and raw and real. I love it.