It's Wednesday night, and he just came home from work. Usually, (well a year ago), I would of ran and kissed him, but now it's "oh hey" that comes out, and even that has become banal and predictable. Discontent, lonely-maybe..., or perhaps it's just the worn out rut I'm in. I feel so up to my neck in comfortableness, and it's turning me into a pathetic victim of chick flicks and fantasy moments.
I manage to search through the fridge-fumbling around the bags of produce I didn't even bother to take the vegetable out of, looking for something to cook for dinner. I settle for chicken. He hates it, I think it's good for my figure, and well damn it; tonight it's what we are having. I make the same dish I've been making for years, absolutely positive I can eat it in 23 bites and with no new taste buds involved. Plain and simple - dinner is draining, life is predictable and yet the man that I still desperately want is in fact the same one that came through the door, home to me. The evening is pretty much the usual: a TV show, an intermittent exchange of our daily highlights, which are formal and sound more like a recording than an amazing time spent living. It just doesn't get any better- it doesn't get any more 'together'. He goes off to work on his project or hobbies and I am left to figure out how to fill an evening. Thing is- no matter what it is, Facebook, exercise, conversations, wine and literature, I don't feel alive anymore. I haven't felt passion since that honeymoon kiss under the waterfall in Chili. I thought romance had gone extinct and I, although desperate to find it, have no idea where to look. Besides- now I have a pile of hurts, a smaller laugh and a maze of yesterdays too blurred together to sort through... I pour myself more wine, and through the blur of negativity engulfing me, I still notice how the ring on my finger is actually a custom kind of beautiful. Lost in the moment, stuck on the past, hopeful for the future I admit I still want it to work. I still want to be a wife and a girlfriend. Like when it all started, when there were those perfect goosebumps dancing love on.
I'm here to blog how I have managed to stay away from this "I" I am writing about. I've been married for seven years and I LOVE it! We've been broke(husbands in college) the entire time, added three children to the mix, and a slew of events that can take a person and electrocute them inside out. With hardly a babysitter ever in sight, we've manged to go on hundreds of dates. Most of them have been right inside our home, but the thing is we "went on dates". We actually mentally and physically and spiritually joined each other for our own adventure in our own romantic ways all while under the influence of stress and daily schedules. I'll be blogging some of my past date ideas as well as some 'memory footage' from them. Also current ideas and so on!
I manage to search through the fridge-fumbling around the bags of produce I didn't even bother to take the vegetable out of, looking for something to cook for dinner. I settle for chicken. He hates it, I think it's good for my figure, and well damn it; tonight it's what we are having. I make the same dish I've been making for years, absolutely positive I can eat it in 23 bites and with no new taste buds involved. Plain and simple - dinner is draining, life is predictable and yet the man that I still desperately want is in fact the same one that came through the door, home to me. The evening is pretty much the usual: a TV show, an intermittent exchange of our daily highlights, which are formal and sound more like a recording than an amazing time spent living. It just doesn't get any better- it doesn't get any more 'together'. He goes off to work on his project or hobbies and I am left to figure out how to fill an evening. Thing is- no matter what it is, Facebook, exercise, conversations, wine and literature, I don't feel alive anymore. I haven't felt passion since that honeymoon kiss under the waterfall in Chili. I thought romance had gone extinct and I, although desperate to find it, have no idea where to look. Besides- now I have a pile of hurts, a smaller laugh and a maze of yesterdays too blurred together to sort through... I pour myself more wine, and through the blur of negativity engulfing me, I still notice how the ring on my finger is actually a custom kind of beautiful. Lost in the moment, stuck on the past, hopeful for the future I admit I still want it to work. I still want to be a wife and a girlfriend. Like when it all started, when there were those perfect goosebumps dancing love on.
I'm here to blog how I have managed to stay away from this "I" I am writing about. I've been married for seven years and I LOVE it! We've been broke(husbands in college) the entire time, added three children to the mix, and a slew of events that can take a person and electrocute them inside out. With hardly a babysitter ever in sight, we've manged to go on hundreds of dates. Most of them have been right inside our home, but the thing is we "went on dates". We actually mentally and physically and spiritually joined each other for our own adventure in our own romantic ways all while under the influence of stress and daily schedules. I'll be blogging some of my past date ideas as well as some 'memory footage' from them. Also current ideas and so on!
every woman wants to be wanted, even on a Wednesday!
-Caryl
This is, in one simple word, amazing. Please, please post more soon and keep them coming!!! Women and men everywhere need this!!
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